After adding a new member to the household in the form of beautiful Billy, our columnist is reflecting on the tasks that come with parenting an energetic young ‘un all over again
•OUR household has increased by one third this week (or at least I think it has, I’ve never been great at the fractions). I digress ... yes, the new puppy has arrived and we’ve gone from a family of three to four.
Billy (the name just seemed to fit) came from a lovely family in Leap, where he was one of 11 (imagine!) and is settling in nicely and his brother only lives over the road, even if he doesn’t know that yet. Mum (me) and puppy are doing well all things considered (mainly cleaning up poo and wee).
• Now, I’ll be perfectly honest, I could have happily lived without a puppy. We had our last dog for nearly 14 years and not surprisingly after that length of time, we had built up a good understanding … she did her thing, I did mine, we’d meet up occasionally for some exchanges before going on our way again, like considerate housemates who knew exactly what annoyed each other (cups in the sink) and what didn’t (brief chats).
Now with Billy it’s a different ball game entirely. For starters, there is an actual ball involved, there’s lots of chaperoning and checking on his whereabouts and basically, keeping him alive until he gets some sense. It’s funny how you forget what it’s like having a puppy in the house until it all comes flooding back .... literally.
• It’s like having a new-born except there’s no visits from the public health nurse, not that I’ve any fear of him not gaining weight as he’s swelling before my eyes. He’s a good boy too to sleep at night (or else I’m just out for the count and can’t hear him!), and I can say without doubt that his bowels are definitely in great working order, so now it’s just the toilet training we need to crack.
To be fair he’s smart enough and is doing a lot of his business on newspapers (not The Southern Star of course!), but I’m still spending half the day watching out for signs that there’s a deposit en route, but sure who can poop when they’re being watched? Exactly. It’s only when I turn my back, even for a millisecond, he does the job.
• That scenario is actually acceptable enough. It’s when I don’t spot his little ‘gifts’ is the problem as our floors are dark grey which makes them hard to see ... until you walk barefoot in a warm little puddle or worse (me, yes to both). Quite honestly, I feel if we were a restaurant we’d be shut down right now as hygiene standards are slipping just a bit. To make sure we don’t all die of some awful virus we’ve revised the five second rule to the 0.005 rule for safety and socks or shoes are mandatory at all times. Thank the lord for milking gloves is all I can say, as they’re making clean-ups a bit less stomach-turning even if I do feel that we need to take out shares in Dettol at this stage.
Cutie Billy is no trouble at all.
• The biggest fear is that we’ll become ‘nose blind.’ This week we had a whiff of slurry outside and a whiff of puppy inside which combined was very much an ‘Eau de No’. I mightn’t have been so enthusiastic about getting gifts of scented candles before, and may have dismissed them as unimaginative, but honestly, it’s all I want right now. That, and toilet training tips. Oh, maybe a dinner for the freezer as the whole ‘doggy parenting’ lark is taking up a lot of my time.
• Naturally I’m doing lots of googling of puppy stuff which means that there’s now an entire industry targeting me online, trying to convince me to buy stuff that I don’t need but looks really cute. So far I’ve been pretty strict as I don’t want to wreck my house aesthetic, but Billy’s crate is taking up most of the utility room, his little chew toys are everywhere, along with newspapers on the floor and there’s a huge bit of cardboard blocking off a section of the house. I don’t think the Home of the Year judges are going to be knocking any time soon!
One thing I did see which I was taken with were these little doggy socks, to keep his paws clean when he’s in and out. I think that might reduce his credibility in the ‘hood a bit though, to be fair, and besides, the glorious dry weather we’ve been enjoying is helping greatly. I did see mention of a cold front moving in soon though, so best to keep the vests on for another bit lads. March is always a tricky month.
Wet patches and surprise packages have become a common feature of the Connolly household. (Photo: Shutterstock)
• Now, the other thing that’s tricky with a puppy is leaving the house. Well, specifically if you’re the last person to leave the house.
We’re all getting very sneaky as we try to hop into the car first, buckle up and leave the ‘sorting’ to someone else. It’s sort of like at Christmas how no one wants to go around plugging out the lights before bed. I’m now resorting to all sorts of tactics to make sure I’m not the one to take Billy out for his pre-bedtime business. I say it’s fun and games, others might call it downright deviousness. It depends which side of the cardboard divider you find yourself on.
• Anyway, for now I’m taking all the advice and sleeping when the puppy sleeps. Joking ... I’m mopping like a maniac (and watching BBC’s Amandaland which is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a really long time), but already I can’t remember what life was like without him. Also joking! But he’s unusually independent, got such a gorgeous head, and the most insanely huge paws like a polar bear that we’re all high on puppy love.
We actually met a fellow retriever on Billy’s first trip to the beach who was only six months older, and alarmingly enormous, so for now we’re going to lean into the baby phase and enjoy every minute. And if anyone wants to get rid of old newspapers, I’m your woman.
