Despite all the warm and fuzzy-feeling ads and shows at this time of year, Christmas is one of the loneliest times for some people. Mary McCarthy discovers three places in West Cork providing comfort for those who find the winter and dark evenings challenging
LONELINESS is a ‘highly personal experience that is felt at a local level in West Cork,’ according to Jon Spencer, director of Cork and West Cork Samaritans.
‘Some people feel that no one is there to listen to them, and hear what they have to say or understand what it feels like,’ he added.
Although Christmas is a joyful, festive, and family time for many, for others it can be a difficult and challenging occasion, for a few reasons, says Jon.
And this can be experienced by individuals as feeling lonely and being isolated.
Now, looking back, we have all realised that the pandemic lockdowns were very isolating for a lot of people.
‘After the pandemic, some of the local groups and the social fabric of society didn’t return to what it had been before. These socials gave locals their friendships and connections in the community,’ noted Jon.
He said that there is no hard evidence, but the thinking is that since the pandemic, there is an increased sense of disconnection.
‘The rhythm of our daily lives has changed compared to previous generations, in several ways. And this has been influenced in the way people interact socially with each other. And some have found these changes more isolating. That sense of community you feel to others and your position in society makes feeling alone less likely. We know that people feel very supported when they meet others at numerous social gatherings.
Samaritans are a listening service that have been in Cork for over 50 years, and since last year, a satellite branch located in Clonakilty has been operating. It’s a volunteer-led emotional support service that’s available by phone.
‘This provides callers with the opportunity to say how they feel and a chance to say the words “I am lonely”,’ explained Jon.
This service is provided 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year. People can phone day or night.
Loneliness seems to be most prevalent at night and over the weekends.
‘It is important to say that despite the Samaritans usually being associated with suicide, we take a lot of calls that are unrelated to this,’ Jon mentioned. ‘As volunteers, we have always been aware of isolation that’s one topic covered by callers. My sense of loneliness and your sense of it might well be different. And the loneliest person could be in a crowded room.’
A groundbreaking international study has shed new light on future health impact of loneliness. Dr Páraic S Ó Súilleabháin, a director of the personality, individual differences and biobehavioural health laboratory and member of the Health Research Institute at UL, is behind the work.
‘Our laboratory has found that loneliness is critical to future health in a variety of different ways, including how long we live. This huge and incredibly thorough study now adds a huge piece of the puzzle why this is the case.
He said that loneliness is critically important for cognitive health, because it can lead to the future development of dementia, vascular dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, and more general cognitive impairment. ‘This is a very important piece of research which will have far reaching consequences,’ he pointed out.
There are many solutions to address loneliness, but one way is by attending groups in one’s locality to re-connect with others and establish having that sense of community.
Meetings take place every Tuesday night from 7.30 pm to late and every Thursday from midday to 3.30 pm at the Allihies Men's Shed.
The library is a warm, welcoming space for the local community. Libraries are vital for encouraging people to join groups, as this is an integral part of staying engaged with others and feeling less lonely, according to Tjorven Deane, library staff officer at Dunmanway Library.
‘We have access to a lot of customers coming in and we encourage them to become involved in groups that we run.
By joining in, people quickly realise the value of being involved with others. Sometimes, this leads to lively conversations of shared experiences and the forming of new friendships,’ said Tjorven.
Dunmanway Library and other libraries in West Cork each have their own individual weekly programme of events.
Even just the interaction with library staff can be a hugely important part of any person’s day.
Being involved in a group or activity in the library enhances this so much more, enabling communication and giving ownership, confidence, and positivity to participants.
‘Local libraries are linked with many national programmes and initiatives, such as Healthy Ireland, Age Friendly Ireland, and Disability and Social Inclusion Strategies.
We also liaise closely with the Family Resource Centre and the ETB,’ she said.
Ten years ago, Allihies Men Shed was established as a creative way on Beara to combat loneliness and rural isolation and create an outlet that had a social aspect that’s important for people living alone in particular, according to David Dudley, co-ordinator of the Allihies Men Shed.
‘Around 20 members that are involved range from their late 40s to those who are predominantly in their late 60s,’ he explained. ‘They have been involved in projects like the restoration of a fishing boat and an old donkey cart. Most crafts are accommodated, but woodwork seems to be the most predominant. Coffee tables and wood turned lamps have been made here and donated for spot prizes for fundraisers for a variety of local groups.’
These engagements are mostly needed in bad weather and in the long, dark nights of winter.
A slow time of year with no tourists. Some in the village dread the wet days. For those living alone, or who are very isolated, loneliness can be an issue.
This makes the outlet the Shed offers even more important.
Meetings take place every Tuesday night from 7.30 pm to late and every Thursday from midday to 3.30 pm at the Allihies Men Shed on the back road.
This facility is wheelchair accessible. It should be noted that you do not need to be lonely to attend. And it is lovely to conclude that everyone is welcome.
‘We hope to have a Christmas social gathering for all the men of Beara sometime before December 25th to celebrate the festive season,’ said David, in a perfect example of why these social groups are so vital at this time of year.
With a little help, and kindness, we can try to make Christmas that little bit special, for everyone.
• To contact Samaritans, Free Call 116123.
• For men’s sheds in your area see menssheds.ie
For more information on Cork libraries see corkcoco.ie/en/resident/libraries
