It’s time to forget about summer bodies and embrace positively, wonderful, me!

Between meeting Mick Wallace on the road, getting beach-ready for the summer and power-washing the house for the American cousins, it’s been a busy few days

• WELL holy god Miley! I was driving home from Clonakilty the other morning in a bit of a, you know yourself, sort of a ‘meh’ mood (I was wondering what I’d make for dinner; regretting I hadn’t put the washing out and yeah, back to the dinner), when who passed me going in the other direction only MEP Mick Wallace! I probably built that up a bit too much, didn’t I?

• I know we’re in election mode (depending on when you read this, it could even be all done and dusted), but still, I thought it was pure gas all the same to see him behind the wheel, motoring along on this random West Cork road! He wasn’t wearing his trademark pink shirt, but his long grey locks were billowing out the window in a most dramatic, Shakespearian way. As he disappeared out of shot in my rear view mirror, I still didn’t know what to make for dinner but at that point I was far more concerned with finding out what conditioner he uses! There was a great shine off his hair all the same.

• Right, so you know how the ‘experts’ say that summer bodies are made in the winter? I wonder would there be a bit of wriggle room on that front at all do you think? Like, specifically could summer bodies be made in the next fortnight do you think? I only ask as the only thing I spent the winter making were toasted cheese sandwiches which was evident on one of our many beach trips last weekend.

• I’ve had a trusty (Marks & Spencer, what else?) swimming ‘costume’ for a few years now. Its original claim to fame was that it had magical sucking-in powers but to be fair it’s given all its got and has nothing left in the tank for summer 2024. A quick Google search revealed a one-piece called a ‘Miraclesuit’ which – for €250 – would want to really deliver.

I’m a little sceptical, particularly after buying a ‘Hunza G’ togs that everyone raved about last year which claims that ‘one size fits all’. I can state emphatically that is not the case.

• Thankfully, the narrative has shifted and it’s now all about body positivity and health and I’m there for that. ‘Wear the shorts’ has become the mantra for middle-aged women like myself, and if anyone is offended by a vein or two, a speck (or three) of cellulite or a random hair, well, am I bovvered? Not in the slightest.

• You mightn’t think it, but I’m actually fierce busy, up the walls, at the moment. We’ve American cousins coming to visit shortly, and it’s stirred up some sort of frenzy in me. I think we’re officially living in the ‘ancestral home’ so I’m torn between going all ‘begosh and begorrah,’ throwing on a shawl, churning butter and singing sean-nós when they arrive; to going the other direction entirely and maybe getting electric gates installed, and a water feature or an infinity pool? I can’t  decide.

Emma Connolly is wondering if she could call on Michael Flatley to welcome her American cousins 'home'.

Would Michael Flatley be available to hire for an afternoon I wonder? Or if all else fails ... Mick Wallace? I’ll get started with some power washing and there might still be time to construct some sort of a gazebo – or a pergola (I always get them mixed up – are they the same thing?

• Anyway, I cannot believe we’re out the other side of the June bank holiday weekend already, and what a stunner it was too. The May bank holiday is sort of a warm-up or a promise of what’s to come, and the August bank holiday is pretty much when things are done and dusted but the June long weekend is always a special one, and it most certainly didn’t disappoint.

That’s unless you were one of the poor students who were studying for their State exams of course. It set me thinking about my own Leaving Cert and to be completely honest I can’t remember a whole lot at all, besides that the weather was also roasting.

Some people can still recite their exam number but that’s long gone from my memory bank. I do remember that I was fanatical about writing out revision notes and had stacks of folders, post-its, sticky tabs, highlighters and dividers. I recall that I took my stationary extremely seriously – it’s just a pity that I can’t recall very much of what I spent hours upon hours writing out, underlining and colour coding!

• If any exam student wants advice from the college of life it’s this: trust me, it will all be fine. It will, honestly! You’ll come to a point in your life when all that will concern you is what’s for the dinner and if you can get the clothes out on the line – and that’s if you’re lucky. I’m not even joking.

That’s not permission to opt out, or let yourself off the hook. Do your best. Give it your all. But also remember what’s important: hugs, social connections, fresh air, exercise, more hugs.

• While your exams are on, remember to go for a swim or puck a ball if it’s a nice evening, don’t stay up all night cramming, don’t bother with post mortems (there is absolutely no point and nothing to be gained), and look out for each other.

Good luck to you all (especially the dude who made me an aunty for the first time!).