Our columnist celebrated her birthday this week, but is already thinking about a major milestone looming on the horizon …
• I CELEBRATED my birthday this week. Not that I mention it by way of looking for attention or anything (it would be nice mind you), no, I’m only saying it because I’m now just a year out from a big roundy milestone, the big 5-0. I’m well aware that there’s no turning back the passing of time, and I’m grateful for being alive, but there’s still something about that half century marker that’s a bit startling. When my dad turned 50 and we threw a surprise party and I thought everyone there including my dad was ancient. I’m ashamed of myself!
Anyway there’s nothing like a deadline to whip me into action (the threat of losing power in the storm last week got me clearing the laundry in record time), so to help focus the mind I’ve compiled a list of things I’d like to get done over the next year…
• Speaking of the storm, one thing I need to do is to make sure our household is more storm-ready. So instead of flying into a wild panic when the next red warning is announced and running around trying to find a shop that hasn’t sold out of bread, I’m going to have a ‘storm kit’ to hand. The Carlow Weatherman will hardly have uttered the words ‘low pressure’ when I’ll smugly produce this box of tricks and we’ll be all set. Naturally it will have batteries, loads and loads of batteries, loo roll, matches, candles, er, a pack of cards ... a few tins of beans and perhaps those iodine tablets the government handed out back in 2002. I’ll pop in a few packets of crisps and a bottle of wine to steady the nerves too while I’m at it.
• Next, a bit of a random one, I’m going to learn how to apply make-up properly. Some people are good at this, I’m not. If I stray past anything really basic I risk looking like Danny La Rue, and the fact that I still have make-up from when I got married over 12 years ago is probably a bit telling (and manky). I need to learn some basic skills so that I can try to pass off for someone who is 46 or 47, or 48 at a push, so a make-up masterclass will be on the cards for me!
• Here’s something a bit more ambitious: I want to learn how to do a head stand. Outside of the fact that it looks really cool, the health benefits from inverting yourself are epic – everything from better cognitive function, better digestion, to discouraging grey hairs, to relieving menopause symptoms. If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is. I suspect I’ll have a bit of a mountain to climb on this one though as I’m not a very bendy person. A pal has one of those little stools designed to help get you started and I tried it out not that long ago. I crouched down into position but literally it was a case of failure to launch.
• I also want to master the art of parallel parking once and for all. Time and time again the universe provides me with perfect parking spots, only for me to buckle under the pressure of maneuvering into the space, and driving on to a different post code instead, feeling like a big failure. This is the year I conquer this ... but only if there’s no one watching me of course. I couldn’t be dealing with that pressure.
• An odd one: I’d like to conquer my fear of the bread slicing machine in the supermarket. It’s such a convenient invention, but why does it have to look so threatening? I feel that perfectly sliced bread isn’t worth sacrificing a finger for. I know it’s only a matter of doing it once and I’ll be fine but in general I shy away from trying new things. When I started driving first I’d only refuel in garages where someone put the petrol in for you (remember when that was a thing?). And when the euro was introduced I was so terrified of using the currency that I literally stayed out of shops for weeks. So maybe I’ll widen this one out to ‘being open to trying new things’ – provided they happen before 9pm as I like to be home by then!
Emma wants to overcome her fear of the dangerous bread slicing machine! (Photo: Shutterstock)
• I’m going to try and appreciate that two small glasses of wine on a Friday night are a lovely treat, but that three will most certainly give me a headache and won’t be one bit lovely at all. So moderation, in all areas of life, is something I’m going to work on.
• A major job is to create more space on my phone so I can capture more memories. The thing is that I’ve captured so many memories that space is at an all-time premium. I’m only ever one WhatsApp Gif away from the whole thing blowing up.
I’ve a bit of PTSD when it comes to deleting things which goes back to when my daughter was a baby. I asked my husband to move some photos and videos of her to the all-illusive cloud, and they never quite got there. It pains me to this day because they were from those early, fuzzy days that you can’t really remember. Anyway, the whole thing is a mess that needs professional help (not me, the phone!)
• I want to laugh more, and make people laugh more. There is nothing better than a good laugh – in the right place of course. I got an awful fit of the giggles at mass recently and it took all my self-control to get myself in hand (but it felt so good!). On the flip side there’s no greater feeling than making someone laugh, it’s the ultimate high. Did you hear the one about ... ?
• Finally I want to perfect the art of throwing a good knees-up – where the bread is perfectly sliced, and everyone is laughing and there’s loads of space on my phone to take photos – because my other half will hit the 5-0 milestone before me this summer. I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for the older man! Here’s to the privilege of another year around the sun!
