Y’ALL ready for four more years of chaos and low-level anxiety? The inaugural ceremony on ‘Blue Monday’ – the annual January day that marketeers tell us is the most depressing one – which ushered in the second coming of The Donald, somehow wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Last time he was elected, I remember feeling a strong sense of dread at this stage of proceedings, a feeling that maybe the world was about to end. In many ways, it was. The world reacted by giving us Covid, perhaps Mother Nature’s way of trying to expel a particularly nasty toxin.
With a phalanx of tech and pharma gods lining out behind him and former Presidents Biden, Clinton, Bush and Obamas flanking him like the ghosts of democracy past, Trump took to the podium and gave a speech that was only mildly terrifying at times, and managed to stay on the right side of optimism. He even denounced fascism which was mildly reassuring.
But, like any huckster salesman, the commander-in-chief went on to make a series of promises only an owner of hotel chains and casinos could make with a straight face. This is the start of a new Golden Age, he said. It is the end of American decline. The rest of the world will envy us. Your stocks are gonna rise and your BMI is gonna fall. We’re gonna go to Mars with Elon. We’re gonna live forever like Jeff. This is our right because we’re Americans and we’re special and God himself saved me from a bullet to make America Great Again and I want a cheeseburger right now, damn it!
I may be paraphrasing there.
You could almost picture his supporters around the country in car factories and trailer parks, behind fast food counters and on building sites, believing every word of it. As they will soon find out, the golden age isn’t for them but will be mostly for those sitting in a row behind the President whispering to each other about $150K red-light therapy beds.
It didn’t stop there. He declared war on diversity, Panama, the climate and millions of undocumented immigrants. He brazenly took credit for the ceasefire in the Middle East. He pardoned members of the mob that attacked the Capitol on January 6th, 2021. And this is the version of the speech which had me mildly reassured ...
There’s no doubt that the Maga coalition is more organised and primed to make progress this time. The next two years could be very impactful indeed.
But you’d wonder what mother nature has planned this time.
A taxing issue for Ireland
THERE was one particular phrase that really turned heads in Ireland during the speech. Trump’s proposed ‘external revenue service’ and aggressive tariff policies could pose a serious threat to our economic model. Our very privileged position as a gateway to Europe for US companies could be undermined if Trump follows through on promises to ‘tax countries to enrich Americans’.
As we all know, Ireland’s corporate tax receipts have soared in recent years, with companies like Apple, Google, and Pfizer contributing significantly to government coffers. If we are struggling to tackle problems like the cost of living, a housing crisis, a struggling health system and rising homelessness with all those dollars flowing, how on Earth would we handle a sudden or even gradual reversal of US support?
You would imagine a lot of diplomatic energy is currently being expended to minimise damage. The Occupied Territories Bill looks to be the first victim, it seems. It would suggest the government is applying a ‘keep the head down, look busy’ approach. The last thing you want is to get noticed. Let the lads in Greenland take the heat.
It shows how utterly dependent we are on external economic winds. This is fine and has been a very strategic and clever approach. But there are downsides when a more topsy-turvy geopolitical environment establishes itself. We are suddenly very exposed and you would hope the smarts and gumption that got us into the position we’re in, can help us ride this out and come out the other side smiling. Buckle up, folks!
Trump & Co coining it
THE Orange One has found a new golden goose, with his family’s latest venture into cryptocurrency already hitting astronomical heights. Donald launched a new ‘memecoin’ stamped with the presidential brand called $TRUMP which has already made him a crypto billionaire on paper.
Trading app Robinhood jumped aboard the Trump train, letting everyday punters grab a slice of these newfangled tokens. Before this digital stampede, bean counters at Forbes had The Donald’s piggy bank at $6.7bn, mostly from his Truth Social venture. Now Team Trump is sitting on a mountain of these tokens, ready to cash in over the coming years. Unless of course the value tanks and everyone loses their shirt in the process. You can be certain Mr Trump won’t be one of those.
Of course none of this is new in America. Ronald Reagan launched his own brand of toilet paper once elected. Barack Obama famously launched a brand of aftershave called ‘Hope’. Joe Biden made millions on his Sleepy Joe line of nocturnal-themed sucky sweets.
Except none of them did any such thing. Never has high office been reduced to such low-grade muck-peddling, but isn’t this the glorious, golden age we are about to enter?
Anyone who wants to get their hands on a $TRUMP coin can do so easily right now on most online trading platforms. It’s fair to say that the value of your investment may fall as well as rise.
Goodbye to a movie genius
SORRY to end on a sad note, but also by focusing on a person who better expresses all that is wonderful about America. David Lynch, the maverick genius behind Twin Peaks, Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive and other cult classics, has died in California. Mel Brooks once described him as ‘Jimmy Stewart from Mars’ and said he was one of the most brilliant and idiosyncratic artists of our time. I was drawn to this quote from him during the week when discussing his masterpiece Blue Velvet. ‘This is the way America is to me. There’s a very innocent, naive quality to life, and there’s a horror and a sickness as well.’ He never tried to make state-of-the-nation films but Lynch somehow got to the cold heart of the American dream like no other. He will be sorely, sorely missed.
