• DEPENDING on when you’re reading this, we’re either approaching or already bang in the middle of the festive ‘no man’s land’.
It’s the time between Christmas and New Year when no one is quite sure what day it is, or even what time it is, when everything switches from being full-on frantic to a bit bewildering.
My advice? Lean into it, and lean in a bit further again. Luxuriate in it, and embrace it because, don’t look now, the January blues are hovering menacingly on the horizon and we all know, they show no mercy.
So, wear the onesie – all day! Become sloth-like (sounds cuter than saying ‘slob-like!’).
Eat chocolate for breakfast and cheese for dinner, and sneak in a few sandwiches in-between.
Watch a movie in the morning if you so desire, and another in the evening.
Take the foot off the gas, relax those shoulders (and that jaw), and sit back.
Now, before we get too carried away, I should point out that if you’re an adult, or in charge of smaller folk, none of that stuff is likely to happen, you’ll probably be the one serving the sandwiches to those living their best lives, or getting new batteries for the remote, but let’s allow ourselves the fantasy, at least.
Anyway there’s an ominous threat looming to the couch marathons: apparently it’s going to be very mild all Christmas so we’ll be found dead in the onesies, especially if we want to crank up the atmosphere and light the fire.
Flip sake, like. At least no one has mentioned ‘muggy’ ... yet.
I actually love this in-between week when there’s still all the festive feels in the air but no one is lecturing me on what to serve for dessert or how to roast the perfect turkey every time I turn on the TV or radio.
I don’t want to hear the word ‘succulent’ again for at least another year.
And besides, we all know the perfect way to cook the turkey is to get someone else to do it, of course!
That said, the next few days do require a bit of skilful navigating if you want to emerge with your nerves intact, and to remain on good terms with your nearest and dearest.
It’s an emotionally heightened time of the year and there’s ticking time bombs waiting to explode when you least expect it.
Tread carefully!
To anyone with house guests for Christmas, I take my hat off to you.
If there’s still time, I strongly advise withdrawing the invite – do whatever it takes, say you’ve all come down with a deadly vomiting bug or that you’ve decided to move to Australia.
In fact, perhaps move to Australia, because I feel that would be an easier option.
I enjoy having visitors but I always need them to go home to their own beds.
It’s non-negotiable (and just in case, it will be written in small print on your invite).
It’s not the guests, but the disorder that’s created if you’re not set up properly for them, which we’re not, that gets to me.
Cousin sleepovers I can handle and actually adore but not proper grown-ups, because I don’t have enough ‘good’ towels or bed linen to stretch past two days, and having to make conversation over breakfast is too much for me.
Basically, if you don’t enjoy Coco Pops for breakfast I don’t think you’re going to give my gaff a good review.
Now, even if you’re only hosting gatherings and soirees it can still be a lot, so my next tip is this: think before you speak, pause, have another think, and only if you’re confident of not causing any offence, should you proceed.
In fact, that’s something to keep in mind all year round.
So for example when someone gives you a gift, regardless of what it is (for example if it’s the same thing they gave you last year, or if it’s what you gave them the year before) the only acceptable reply as an adult is: ‘Oh thanks for thinking of me’ not ‘Oh I have that already.’
Personally, I’m with Roy Keane, who insists that anyone over the age of 15 doesn’t need gifts but that’s another conversation.
Other things you should never say include: The turkey was nicer last year; Are you really wearing that? I see you haven’t painted the house yet; Have you put on a bit of ...? Engage the brain, everyone!
If it means you all sit around in silence, so be it.
At least it will be companionable silence, and if you’re really stuck, you can chat about how mild it is.
• My other big tip is to know the one that is one too many.
So that could be everything from a Baileys, to a lie-in, to a mince pie, to whatever.
I know I encouraged us all to chill out but a little balance is required, and I hate to say it but a bit of routine is a great thing.
So, too much food, drink, lying about, sleep etc will most certainly leave you feeling out of sorts and a bit cranky after even just a few days.
I’m reminded of my dad who used to always start power washing around the house on Stephen’s Day afternoon (or he might hold out until the day after).
He just couldn’t manage any more down time, and had to do something before coming into watch some random documentary on TG4.
I used to think there was something wrong with him but I think he was onto something.
I mightn’t take out the power washer, but if it’s dry I might do a bit of yard brushing.
What? I’ll be a nicer person for it!
• After that, the success of the season really all comes down to fresh air, and lots of it.
Get out for that walk, or jump on your bike. Jump on the trampoline, hit a sliotar against the wall, or hop into the sea.
Better still, force everyone else in the house out for a hike and you can catch your breath ... ‘Home Alone.’
Finally, Happy Christmas to my readers and remember ... it will all be grand!
