New arrival Billy has already doubled in size, as our columnist updates us on how he’s changing the household dynamic and convincing her of a future in hurdling.
• IT’S been a week of parades, paints, poos and papers ... all the ‘ps’ ... quite literally.
So let’s get the puppy updates covered first: he has literally doubled in size and is now larger than our old dog was when she was fully grown.
I think I may not have thought this through properly but sure, let’s roll with it. He absolutely loves his grub, which is something he has in common with the rest of us around here and a bit like myself he might struggle with knowing when he has enough.
I’m thinking perhaps Ozempic for the fast approaching First Holy Communion – for him of course, not for me, or maybe me too? Joking – although after watching Kathryn Thomas’ ‘The Skinny Jab Revolution’ on RTÉ it seems like such casual use of the drug is not beyond consideration for some people. Mad.
• So, too, is the fact that new kitchen chairs that I’ve waited an awful long time for, have arrived at the same time as the puppy.
When we first moved into our house I bought some random chairs that were on special offer in a German supermarket on a sunny Sunday morning. I figured they’d get us out of a spot for a few months – that was nine years ago.
For ages I couldn’t afford to replace them, then I couldn’t find any that I liked, then I found ones that I liked but I couldn’t afford, until finally the stars aligned and I made the purchase and then they arrived ... two days after Billy.
All eight of them are currently squashed into the spare room which feels very anti-climactic and not at all how I imagined but I’m just too afraid to put them out.
Generally speaking, the older I get the less upset I get about a nick or scratch here or there, but I do feel it may crush a bit of my soul if the chairs were chewed on. I’ll sit it out for another week at least I think.
The new chairs are yet to be put out for fear of a chewing incident. (Photo: Shutterstock)
• Another puppy-related revelation is that I think I have a bit of a hurdler (not a hurler!) in me.
We’ve still got that giant piece of cardboard blocking one half of the house from the puppy and as I swing a leg over for the millionth time on any given day, balancing laundry in one hand and god knows what else in the other, I’m convinced I’d give Derval O’Rourke a run for her money.
Now, the rest of the family’s agility is very much being put to the test (no bones broken yet, but a few near misses) but I don’t care how much my husband is complaining about his hips, the barrier is staying in place – there’s plenty of time for the puppy to discover his inner Tom Crean.
Besides, I reckon in another week he’ll be able to clear it in one go like a mini showjumper.
• So next to the all-important toilet training. It’s going well, some of the time, and other times, not so well.
It all comes down to remembering to let him in and out so he can shake it all about.
If we remember great, if we forget, not so great. And then there’s having to wait around with him outside to witness the all-important act before he can be left in again, sort of like waiting for a baby to burp after a feed.
It’s more than a bit tedious and so far quite a lot of people have seen me in my driveway in my Christmas pjs at dawn making encouraging faces to ‘get busy Billy’ (try saying that before you’ve had your coffee!).
On the plus side, I’m getting lots of exposure to early morning light which, according to experts, helps to regulate sleep, hunger patterns and boost mood in general.
And in more positives, he’s like our new alarm clock because like clockwork he starts to bark in a way that’s impossible to ignore between 6.30am and 6.45am which is actually a perfectly acceptable time to get out of the leaba on a school day.
I will always struggle with the temptation to loiter on until a lot later, with skin and hair flying as a result so Billy-boy is bringing me an awful lot of benefits without him even knowing it.
So, lots to be grateful for, including a call from reader Eugene offering to donate some newspapers to the cause. We’re all in it together!
There are far too many shades to choose from for what should be a simple task. (Photo: Shutterstock)
• Billy has also had his first shower with us which required us all to play a role: my husband held him securely, I washed him and our smallie had doggie treats at the ready to help reduce his trauma! I think he actually quite liked it, and the only one really traumatised was me by the amount of hair he shed afterwards – nuts. I think perhaps I’m going to have to upgrade the
hoover!
• In non-puppy news, with the already mentioned Communion approaching I’m using it as a bit of a motivator to get a few house jobs done, including painting.
I’m currently trying to select colours and I have to admit that my head is totally melted from it. The choice is insane and just when I think I’ve settled on a shade, the light changes on my sample and I’m back to square one. I’m beginning to think that there’s a lot to be said for
magnolia.
Also, the names for the various colours are just gas and include ‘Dead Salmon’ which is more attractive than it sounds, and ‘Mole’s Breath.’ Who even comes up with them, I wonder? I could add ‘Dog’s Mess’ to the colour card and will leave that particular shade to your imagination.
• Finally, what are we going to do now that ‘Dancing With The Stars’ is finally over for another season?
I get to reclaim two hours of my life and the options are endless. I think I’ll start by committing one to the new series of Raised by the Village on RTÉ 1 at 8pm.
Richard Hogan always talks an awful lot of sense. After that I suppose I better get back to hoovering the dog hair – although I think I’ll have to learn to suck that one up!
