A HOSTILE style of thinking can warp your perception of others’ intentions, even when they are benign, as the following example indicates.
Eileen attended therapy with psychologist and anger expert Dr Raymond DiGiuseppe after she threw a cup of coffee at her husband during an argument. The couple had been married for more than five years, and Eileen said her husband had been kind and generous to her for most of their time together.
Nevertheless, she always suspected he would leave her. She also knew he would not do his share of the household tasks.
In one therapy session, Eileen reported she had had a fight with her husband. She had arrived home from work and found he had left work early, cleaned the house, made a great dinner, and greeted her affectionately when she arrived at the door.
Far from being happy with this, Ellen was suspicious and angry. What did he want from her, she wondered? Her assumption was he wanted to butter her up for something. Maybe he had spent too much money or lost his job. She couldn’t take the behaviour at face value.
Eileen had what’s known as a hostile attributional style – it’s like wearing anger-coloured glasses. You see the world as a place where people can’t be trusted and are often out to get you. Other people’s actions or intentions are viewed as hostile, threatening, or malevolent, even when there is little or no evidence to support such interpretations.
People with this often view ambiguous actions as having hostile intent. In situations where the cause of an event is unclear, they assume others are acting out of malice or disrespect, which triggers anger.
For example, imagine a work colleague walking by without greeting you. Someone with a hostile attributional style might think, ‘they’re ignoring me on purpose’, rather than considering more benign explanations like the colleague being distracted or having a bad day.
Aggressive
This attributional bias often leads to misinterpretation of minor or unintended offences, escalating small issues into larger conflicts. When someone assumes hostile intent in benign situations, their anger escalates quickly, leading to more aggressive responses.
For example, imagine a person accidentally bumping into someone in a crowded room. Rather than accepting it as an accident, someone with a hostile thinking style might think, ‘they did that on purpose’ – which leads to an angry confrontation.
This can create a self-reinforcing cycle of anger. Once someone starts interpreting others’ actions as hostile, they are more likely to act defensively, aggressively or angrily in response. This, in turn, leads others to respond defensively, reinforcing the initial belief that the world is hostile and untrustworthy. This cycle sustains and amplifies anger over time.
Again, to give a simple example, let’s say your partner left dishes in the sink and you believe they did this deliberately to annoy you. You respond with hostility, which leads to an argument. Your partner reacts defensively and cross words are exchanged. This then confirms to you that your partner is hostile or disrespectful, further reinforcing the original perception.
Unsurprisingly, this thinking style is linked to aggressive behaviour, particularly in situations where the person feels slighted or mistreated. Because they assume the worst about others’ intentions, they are more likely to act aggressively, seeing their anger as justified retaliation.
A hostile, angry thinking style isn’t good for you, and it’s not good for your relationships. How can it be changed? That will be the subject of my next column.
