COLM TOBIN: Bringing all my Beara necessities for my trepidatious tour into the west

THIS weekend, it will be all eyes on the Beara Peninsula as men of dramatically different shapes and fitness levels hit the roads, weekend warriors en masse, parading their sorry asses on bikes around the bi-roads of Cork’s most western edge for the annual Tour De Beara.

This year, for the first time in my life, I will be one of those idiot men, veering dangerously west this time, and let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that I approach the event with high levels of trepidation.

The tour is run in support of community organisations in the area. The beneficiaries include 12 local national schools and a host of other organisations. It’s community spirit in action and I can’t wait to see how it’s put together.

What I’m less optimistic about is my ability to get over the finish line in the driving rain.

The organisers plan three routes every year.

The 160km tour is for pros and fit lads, self-described on the website as one of the ‘most challenging sportives’ on the Irish cycling calendar. The route starts out from Glengarriff followed by a steep climb over the Caha Pass and then traverses a series of rock tunnels across the border into the Kingdom of Kerry.

The ‘Beara 120 km’ is a brand new route which also starts in Glengarriff and showcases the scenic Atlantic landscape all along the Western edge of the peninsula through Allihies and Eyeries and back over the Caha Pass.

Finally, the Tour De Beara 90k provides cyclists with a shorter route but still “with a number of challenging climbs including the Healy Pass”. This route, basically, is for ‘aul divils like me, who will most likely be tracked closely by medics on motorbikes, defibrillators at the ready. I also chose it because it largely avoids a long foray into The Kingdom, staying mostly on the Cork side of the border. Because the last thing I need is to die in Kerry wearing lycra.

To say I’m completely unprepared would be incorrect. I probably do 30 to 50km most weekends when I get the chance, mostly around the flat coastal routes of North Dublin, with Howth Hill being my only climbing venture. When I started out, the 145 metres to the summit of Howth Hill was a killer but these days I manage it alright, slowly but surely. ‘Slow and steady wins the race,’ said no Olympic winner ever.

This weekend will be different. There will be more hills, and a big one in the shape of the Caha Pass, although I plan to divide the day into a few chunks, my first aim being to get to the food stop around halfway and we’ll see what happens from there.

Michael Johnson famously said that ‘the best motivation always comes from within’. I find that a burger trumps that.

With the forecast looking fairly biblical, and sideways rain already togging out on the sideline in preparation, who knows what Saturday will bring?

Fingers crossed I’m back next week with an update.

Far cry from Tiger days

I HAPPENED across the first episode of Cheap Irish Homes on the RTÉ Player there the other night. It’s one of those guilty pleasures of mine - the presenters are very charming and it’s nicely produced, a more down-to-earth version of a property show especially in the context of more opulent variations like Selling Sunset and Million Dollar Beach House these days.

Still though, there is something intrinsically sad about the premise - property hunters scraping the barrel of available properties from derelict farmhouses to dilapidated bungalows in previously loved small Irish towns.

If you were to broadcast it back to the Ireland of the Celtic Tiger, which was itself inherently sick in how it approached property, I wonder what people would have made of it? In the aspirational land of expanding kitchen islands and outdoor patio heaters, when people could bank on 100% mortgages and maybe a car thrown in, would they have thought that almost 30 years later people would be settling for this?

Obviously, nobody wants to return to those bad old days, but landing somewhere in the middle might be nice?

Seed capital from Apple

You might have seen that the European Court of Justice ruled on the Apple case this week, reinstating the initial case brought by the European Commission that Ireland is owed around €13bn in back taxes.

Ireland joined Apple to vociferously defend the action, refuting the allegation that Ireland gave the tech giant a sweetheart deal on tax.

So, it won’t do Ireland Inc. any favours, especially amongst those who would describe our highly competitive approach in these matters as being the equivalent of a tax haven. With corporate tax receipts absolutely soaring these past years, and no sign of it making a dent in our cost of living crisis, you’d wonder where all this will end?

In the meantime, it could renovate about 100,000 Cheap Irish Homes if the government is looking at a way to get rid of it.