I’VE only ever had the honour of being a bridesmaid once, and I think I did a pretty good job up until a certain point in proceedings.
To be specific that ‘certain point in proceedings’ was probably everything from the meal onwards at the reception.
That’s when the champagne hit and I abandoned my duties, and the bride, my big sister, to live my best life and party like it was 1999 (I think it was 2001).
This article was featured in our Weddings Spring 2025 supplement – you can read the full supplement here!
My main after-dinner job was to help tie up her dress at the back and secure it for dancing.
It was a fiddly job which involved lots of tiny buttons and a hard-to-find hook concealed deep in an under-layer, but I had rehearsed it and had it down to a tee.
My personal best to do it in was 15 seconds.
There was only one problem – when the time came I was MIA, and not to be found, what with being so busy living my best life.
My sister has been married for over 20 years and this only comes up in conversation from time to time, because in general she’s a good enough sport and time is a healer as they say.
But I still feel bad about breaking the number one rule in the bridesmaid code of conduct: absolute devotion to the bride.
Luckily, some years back I had a chance to atone for my sins. I was at the wedding of a former colleague, and her bridesmaid was not to be found when she needed to hook her dress up.
There she was standing in the hotel bathroom trying to figure it out, and there I was just a few feet away.
It was as if the universe was offering me a chance of redemption, so quick as a shot I was down on all fours, rooting around for the pesky hook, and by god I (eventually) found it.
That night finally brought me the closure I had been seeking even if the bride was a bit startled by my feverish determination (and my reluctance to step aside when the bridesmaid turned up).
So while I’m not holding myself up as a prime example for other bridesmaids to follow, here are some of my top tips for those ready to embark in the role ...
1.
Firstly think long and hard before you say ‘yes!’ Of course it’s a brilliant honour to be asked and it’s all terribly exciting but you need to be sure of a few things first, mainly, if you have the band width to give it, because it’s a job that basically eats up all your spare time, and then some more.
It’ll be a pretty big drain on your sanity as well.
There’s the dress shopping excursions, then the dress fittings, all the various trials, the hen party, not to mention all the emotional support needed along the way and they constant WhatsApp messages.
It can be a lot, particularly if you have a job, children, any sort of a life of your own.
So, don’t be afraid to politely decline it (admittedly that will require delicate handling and supreme diplomacy), or suggest that the role of chief bridesmaid is a jointly held position – ie that many of you shoulder the burden, sorry, responsibility.
2.
Organisation is key and whether you’re digital or paper, get yourself a wedding folder to keep track of everything – specifically who has coughed up for the hen party and who hasn’t.
Speaking of the hen, it’s a good idea to get a feel for what the bride-to-be would like as early as possible.
It’s easy for her to get carried away in her ‘bride bubble’ and lose touch with reality and think that all her friends will gladly spend a long weekend in Paris to wish her well as she embarks on married life – you’ll need as much time as you can to convince her to swap that for a more reasonable, and less spendy, overnight in Dingle.
And yes the willy-straws are essential, it doesn’t matter how classy an affair it is.
3.
Make peace with the fact that at some point the bride will change and morph into someone completely unrecognisable.
I speak from experience. I lost it spectacularly with my mother and one sister because they didn’t want to go for a French nail polish for my big day, and I lost it even more spectacularly with my other sister because she ate a slice of carrot cake the day before the wedding (the fact that she had small kids and had probably been up half the night was completely lost on me).
I know of life-long friendships that have been irrevocably damaged when people have transformed into bridezillas – luckily I was related to those I behaved badly towards or I’d have been in big trouble!
But as a bridesmaid, don’t be afraid to call out unacceptable behaviour before things get out of hand ... and you’re denied cake!
And to be on the safe side, take up yoga and/or meditation to help maintain inner zen.
4.
Make sure to have your Weetabix on the day of the wedding because it’s not just your pal’s big day, it’s yours too.
You need to second guess her every whim, be on hand at all times to arrange the veil, offer lip gloss for touch ups, steady jitters, but still remain in the background and let her shine.
You need to circulate and chat to guests, get people mingling and out on the dance floor, signing the guest book and of course be ready to hook up the dress.
Above all you need to keep a lid on any building resentment you may feel because if you’ve made it this far, the end is in sight and you’re truly worthy of your bridesmaid stripes.
Just make sure there’s nothing in your terms and conditions about being on duty for ‘Day 2’ celebrations
This article was featured in our Weddings Spring 2025 supplement – you can read the full supplement here!
