WITH Valentine’s Day approaching, many people are celebrating love and romance, but it’s also an important time to reflect on the health of our relationships.
While every relationship has ups and downs, certain behaviours can be warning signs of emotional manipulation and toxicity.
National mental health charity Turn2Me is highlighting five key red flags to look out for in romantic relationships and reminding people that help and support is available.
Turn2Me offers weekly online support groups on relationship issues and provides up to six free counselling sessions for adults in Ireland who need guidance and emotional support.
The five key red flags are:
1. Love Bombing
At the start of a relationship, grand romantic gestures can seem exciting, but excessive flattery, intense declarations of love, and overwhelming attention—especially early on—can be a form of manipulation.
This is known as love bombing, where one partner tries to create emotional dependency by moving the relationship forward at an unnaturally fast pace.
It often precedes controlling behaviour once the person feels they have secured their partner’s trust.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner makes the other question their own memory, perception, or reality.
Common phrases used in gaslighting include:
- 'That never happened, you’re imagining things.'
- 'You’re too sensitive, you’re overreacting.'
- 'You’re crazy for thinking that.'
This tactic is used to gain control and diminish the confidence of the other person, making them doubt themselves and stay in a relationship where they feel powerless.
3. Negging
Negging is a subtle but damaging tactic where a partner gives backhanded compliments or undermines self-esteem to make the other person feel insecure. Examples include:
- 'You’d be really pretty if you lost a little weight.'
- 'Wow, you look really nice today. I barely recognised you!'
- 'I usually date more attractive people, but there’s something about you.'
This behaviour is designed to lower self-worth and make the person feel like they need to work for their partner’s approval.
Negging is a practice promoted by the 'pick up artist' community which encourages men to be ruthless in dominating women, and to manipulate women into feeling lesser.
Negging never leads to healthy relationships or fulfilling romantic attachments.
4. Controlling Behaviour
A healthy relationship is built on trust and independence, but a controlling partner will often try to isolate their significant other, dictate their actions, or monitor their movements. Signs of control include:
- Checking your phone or social media without permission.
- Making decisions for you or discouraging you from seeing friends and family.
- Becoming angry when you set boundaries.
- 'Protest behaviour' – storming off, hanging up the phone or flying off the handle if you disagree with them or push back on their requests.
If a partner tries to restrict freedom or manipulate decisions, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
5. Constant Criticism
While constructive feedback is normal in relationships, persistent, harsh criticism that makes someone feel worthless or inadequate is a red flag.
Constant nitpicking, comparing to others, or belittling achievements can erode self-esteem over time and create a toxic environment.
For those struggling with relationship difficulties, Turn2Me provides free and confidential support.
The charity runs weekly online support groups focused on relationship issues, offering a safe space to share experiences and gain insight.
Additionally, Turn2Me provides up to six free one-on-one counselling sessions to adults, helping people process their emotions and develop healthier relationship patterns.
'Unhealthy relationships can take a toll on mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and emotional distress,' said Fiona O’Malley, CEO of Turn2Me.
'Recognising red flags early is crucial, and seeking support can empower people to make informed decisions about their relationships.'
How to Access Support
Turn2Me’s online mental health services are available to all adults living in Ireland.
To sign up for a relationship support group or free counselling, visit www.Turn2Me.ie.
This Valentine’s Day, celebrate love that is healthy, respectful, and supportive—and don’t ignore the red flags.
